“Creative Caregiving” – Narrative
By Karen L. Kelly 4/30/2008
· BACKGROUND INFO.
o Who – Karen L. Kelly
o What – Creative Caregiving
o Why – To Share My Experience
o Where – At Home
· INTRODUCTION – Who
o “Hello, Greetings and Welcome” I am Karen Kelly, daughter of Lois Brown Dale. I am my mother’s caregiver. I am a widow. So is my mother. I am 71 as of January 17th, this year. Mama will be 91 on August 27th of this year, 2008.
o Mama came to live here with me after a severe change of circumstances in her life. Her youngest child, Allan Brown, died of a heart attack on July 26th, 2006. This was the “final blow” for Mama.
o She could no longer endure her own physical pain and entered the hospital a couple of times and finally was diagnosed as “terminal” and sent to a “rehab” center. That didn’t work out, so I made arrangements for Mama to come live here with me at my home in “The Cottage” which is a separate living quarters from “The Main House”.
o Mama was put under Hospice care a program designed to help dying patients “manage pain” and “move on” to the “Sunny Side Layer”. Speaking of “Sunny Side”, that’s what this experience has been with Mama.
o It will be two years since Mama came here to live in “The Cottage”. We have learned much from each other. Mama wrote her book called “Ramblings – Sleepless Nights” (I helped).
o This blog will be about my experience as caregiver with Mama doing “her part”. This blog is to show how care giving can be a happy, learning experience. I will share what I have been able to do as a “creative artist” and “teacher”.
o I will share what I have learned from my counselor, Edgar Gibson who says, “It’s about thriving, not just surviving.”
WHAT – Creative Caregiving
Creative Caregiving is how perceive “this journey” with Mama. What options do I have to make each task reflect a creative choice? For instance: I buy various colored paper napkins to put under the dish on Mama’s tray and color-coordinate them with a cloth napkin and colored mug or pretty teacup.
Mama’s sheets are vari-colored so that she can choose a color for each time the bed is changed – from pink, to green, to yellow or “just plain”.
Mama’s tops are varied, too, so that she can feel fresh and pretty in a “different” outfit.
I bring in flowers from outside when they come into bloom or pick up a bouquet from Trader Joe’s. Often, family members “pick up the slack” by sending beautiful bouquets to honor Mama on special days – birthdays and holidays.
I decorate the windows with fun, colorful, removable decals. I change the table-tops according to “the seasons” or to “whatever” might prove interesting – such as baskets of beautiful sea-shells.
I bring home art projects that I’ve created at The Cincinnati Art Museum's “One World Wednesday” events. And, I display paintings that I’ve created or those that I’ve won at an auction. It is an ever-changing display of interesting things to see and discuss.
Mama keeps her “book club” going. I find books on-line or purchase some at Half-Price Books to share with her. She receives books from her visiting friends and relatives to read. She reads books and articles. She shares them, too.
WHY? - To share our experience.
Creative caregiving is more than just taking care of my mother. Creative caregiving is so that both of us can offer each other an opportunity to grow and learn. It also offers an opportunity for those who see us learn how we work together. We are serving as an example to others and to each other as to how caregiving can be done creatively.
By being "the best we can be" we can see how we have made progress in our growth as spiritual, loving, caring and giving human beings. We are learning that we have an opportunity " to choose our behavior". We can choose how we respond. We can choose how to not to react but to stop and take a long slow breath before making any choice of action.
We are learning that there are many choices available to us... By making creative choices we benefit from making choices that work for us. Life is easier and with less stress when we take time to be creative in our choices.
Each day new offers new opportunities for us to consider. Whether it is an article in the newspaper, a story on television, or a message in a magazine or a phone call from a family member or friend that stops by for a visit, we can make each day interesting and worth living and enjoying. We can choose to "thrive, not just survive".
A lot of the lessons I am learning and sharing here with you come from my weekly 30 minute phone call sessions with Edgar Gibson of The Strategy Group. I spend 30 minutes each Friday talking with Edgar Gibson about what I can do to stay "on track"and to stay focused, to make changes, to stay balanced, to remove negativity and to add positivism to my life and to my mother's life as well. These goals and lessons are also being evidenced in our behavior. Ed says "you teach people how to treat you". Dr. Phil says this, too. Ed also says, "Eeach person is entitled and has a right to their own opinion. Each person has the right to the treated with dignity and respect".
Part of being a caregiver is to allow each other time to develop or hold interests separate and apart from each other. Mama is very outgoing and is interested in many peoples' lives. She is caring and communicates openly with many people. She has many friends and people who care for her iand care about her. I have friends and acquaintances but I choose not to be as involved or as outgoing as Mama. It's important to not comparing myself with my mother (or others). We are enjoying each other's differences and celebrate those differences.
Mama enjoys watching movies and reading a lot. Newspapers keep her up to date with the news. Mama enjoys music, too. Is interesting to learn about her generation from 1917 to 2008. She has written her life story and has shared her talent as a poet in her book called "Ramblings, Sleepless Nights". She and I have collaborated in various writing projects for years.
We wrote a small booklet called "Hoot n Holler" for about eight years which we sent out to family and friends. She would write a column called "Observations" and share a great deal of the content with me. We'd put the "Hoot 'n Holler" mailing together, staple the middle, stuff and stamp the envelopes. Then our other big writing project was to do family albums which were big BOOKS. One was "The Brown Family Album" about my father and the Brown side of the famiyl. Then we put together "The Reidy Karch Album" which is a book about Mama's family and our family members. These books are a very nicely done all bound and imprinted in gold lettering to" last a long time". These two major books took many hours and days and months of work. It was worth doing. We enjoyed sharing our work with our family and friends. During 2008, Mama and I wrote and put together a book about Daddy, "On Wings of Song" a tribute to James Lebert Brown. In 2009, Mama wrote "Offbeat Memories" stories about a lot of the people she remembered during her work as Director of Clermont Senior Services.
The project that I want to do with Mama include going back through all of the files and boxes of memorabilia of that have accumulated around here. There are a lot of clothing items that need to be sorted through again. We did do an initial sorting of items bonded the sort of and I packaged and shipped things to family members and friends. We continue to go through items that should be sent or that Mama wants to send to family and friends. It's interesting to hear the stories that go with the particular items that Mama is releasing.
A lot of reminiscing takes place about "stuff". We like to share stories about where we acquired various items. There is a history and story for everything. Sometimes I don't know what to do with items that have no place to go. Part of creative caregiving is “getting rid of stuff". To be creative we can choose creative ways to share family memorabilia or special items of significance with others. How about that?
I don't know if I've mentioned about all of the hauling of items in and out or about all of the shopping and that is required to bring in supplies and all of the trips that are made to move things on out to the trash. A lot of "hauling" requires many trips to and from my car down through the breezeway down to the cottage. I know now how to take care of myself so that I am not injuring myself any longer. "Early on" I overloaded myself so that my shoulders were in bad shape. I broke small bones in my foot twice also had plantars facietes. I have continued to go to the acupuncture doctor each week to make sure that I stay healthy, healed and full of energy. Another thing that I do is get Vitamin B and Vitamin B-complex shots each week. I am very disciplined about my diet which I can discuss later.
(This was written in 2008 and set aside "until later"). Later is here now (2010). I am putting it in blog form to share with anyone who has been or will be a caregiver and also those who are being "caregiven".
